It seems I am getting further and further behind, both in this blog being posted and with my writing. I am hopeful that I can turn both around in March. However, with the way things have been going over the last few months, I am only slightly optimistic and definitely not even close to hopeful. It hasn’t changed any of my goals, but maybe my outlook is changing a little. I’m just not sure yet whether it is changing for the better or the worse.
Progress
I didn’t quite reach 20k this month, but I made significant progress on project C. Much of it is revision rather than straight drafting, which takes more time. I’m a bit past the halfway point, and I’m hoping to rip through the latter portion of this project, which should be much heavier in the drafting world, as I’ve passed most of what I’m keeping from the earlier first draft.
Liesure
There has been much less time for leisure this month as I have two classes right now for my Master’s degree. One of them has been pretty writing-heavy, which has cut into my writing time and, by proxy, my leisure time. I have not had as much time to walk in the morning and contemplate, which is a large part of my refueling and writing prep. That is something I would like to get back into in March as it warms up.
As always, I want to read more, but there are only so many hours in a day, and unfortunately, even as it is, I am not getting the normal amount of sleep I require.
What I’m Learning
I am learning that I cannot do it all, and there is a point where the stress I put on myself will overwhelm me. There is a point of limited returns with everything in life. I have been hurtling towards it and slightly into it in the last few weeks. I pride myself on not letting pressure get to me. However, sometimes it does. I am lucky that this is a rare occurrence, but it does happen.
I am also learning that I can come across as rather silly to people who do not live in my world and experience the pressure I put on myself. I feel as though I am failing, often. If I set out to write 2k words in a day and I reach 1.9k, I will be distraught. Yet having a goal of 2k a day and actually doing 3k is no big thing. I expect excellence from myself far beyond normal capacity and likely far beyond what is healthy. I had a realization a few days ago as I lamented the fact that I was not as far into Project C as I would have liked or had planned to be, and realized I’ve written 40k words of that project. I’m poopooing 40k words. That’s a tad bit ridiculous. Even though it has taken longer than I would have liked, I should be happy I’ve made that much progress. I write multiple book-length projects a year and will continue to do that while working full-time and doing a Master of Accounting part-time. That is an insane thing to say and a far wilder one to do. Once in a while, I am struck by how little grace I give myself and just how silly I must seem to other people who hear me whine and complain about not being good enough for my impossible standards.
Looking Forward
All that said about standards, my goal is to finish Project C by the middle of March. That means I want to average 2.5k a day until then. Once that is complete, it will go to an alpha reader and then come back to me for another revision that will hopefully conclude within the month of March or shortly thereafter. Yes, I know what I said about impossible standards, and I know that this one is likely to be missed again, but I cannot undo who I am in a month.
In the interim between passes on Project C, I plan to write my end-of-term research paper so that I can finish that class up early and focus on the final for my other class and my second revision of Project C. Once Project C is with beta readers, I will turn back to Surrealist for a line edit. I am itching to get my hands on that project again before casting it into the query trenches, but I must be patient. I also know that once I start working on that piece, I will need to drive straight through it to achieve the level of cohesion I desire. Hopefully, my one summer class will be a little less involved, and that will allow me ample time to work on Surrealist. For now, I must content myself in simply dreaming about it and know that the moment I start working on it, I will long for Project D, Project Rose, the latest iteration of Cut That, or some other piece I haven’t even thought up yet.
I will see you in the future, where more than half of me already resides.
Naomi
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