This revision might kill me. I was fortunate in my last manuscript that it didn’t take much in the way of revision. However, this one is double the length and significantly more complicated. I’ve always known that I hate revision and I also know it’s something I must learn to advance my skill. I’ve gotten by without revising all but two papers in my academic career, but first drafts won’t work for novels, they are much too unwieldy for that.
Progress
As a result of my aforementioned lack of revising skills, I have not progressed as quickly as I would like. I am about a fifth of the way through my revision and it is most likely the easiest fifth. This means I am behind (on being ahead). I gave myself two months of a buffer for when I would like to submit my novel and it looks like I will need at least one of those with my choice to add a second revision with my writing group as well as the pace at which I’m revising. It is much slower than I anticipated and I can only hope that I’m doing a decent enough job to make it worthwhile.
As far as word count goes for the month, I have written substantially less than usual since my primary focus is revising. That being said I’ve written 18k words nearly 15k of which were notes on what I’d like to change, which should give you a good idea of how colossal of a task this revision is.
I know what I have to do to fix the story, at least in broad strokes, however, it’s the minutia that gets me. It is at times like this that I wish I were just a little more detail-oriented. My brain isn’t wired for so much detail, it gets overwhelming and my perfectionism kicks into overdrive. I can only revise so much before my brain gets too tired to continue, and the depth of the edit directly correlates to how fatigued I get.
Thoughts On Thinking
When I draft my novel, it’s best if I don’t think. That is what I’ve learned. I like to let my thoughts think so I don’t have to. My subconscious can take care of the thinking for me. Then it gives me moments of revelation. At least that’s how it usually works. However, this book is beyond the scope that my subconscious can handle. That means my conscious mind, the one that gets overwhelmed much too easily, is on duty for revisions. And let me tell you she is not pleased about this fact. All that she wants to do is watch episode after episode of Gilmore Girls instead.
The other thing I’ve noticed is that my ADHD hates revision more than anything. When I do my first draft, everything is new and exciting. There is plenty of dopamine and anything can happen. Revisions don’t have that. I already know what’s going to happen. I already know what I need to do and change. The dopamine is not there and there are plenty of other things that will give me that rush, new stories or other hobbies.
Hobbies as Distractions
There are so many things I’d like to do and never enough time in the day. Music has always been a huge hobby for me and it has taken the back seat while I’ve pushed really hard at my writing, as has everything else. However, with all of the procrastinating (by doing other things of course) and some conversations with people about music, I’ve started working on some songs again and really learning how to build more than 30-second bits of melody. Other hobbies or interests that I’ve either looked into or done this month include, art, physics, gardening, fermenting, growing sports, and some sword training research (to hopefully do at home, but we’ll see if that happens).
I really like the idea of being more self-reliant in terms of my food and I’ve had a garden since I was little. I never really gardened with any sort of direction or goals. However, this year I built a little garden and have started learning more about what will give the best yields and protect my plants from different pests. I’ve already learned so much and I have quite a few things I plan to improve next year.
As for the fermentation; I’ve made kimchi and tried to make a sourdough starter. I succeeded with the kimchi but my sourdough starter isn’t looking too happy. Then again, I might be allergic to the yeast in sourdough, so maybe it’s for the best. We’ll see if I can revive it or maybe I’ll start over.
Imposter Syndrome
Something that never really goes away is imposter syndrome. It is in cahoots with perfectionism and procrastination. They all conspire against me and if one of them gets tired, the others will jump in and make sure I struggle all the same. It’s a lovely bit of teamwork from them. The funny thing about imposter syndrome is that it hits when I’ve finally hit my stride in revising. Right now it is manifesting in the thought that I might make the story awful in my revision. I know this is silly because I don’t revise without a backup of my previous drafts and I also know that the sections I am revising need to change and they aren’t very good to begin with. Of course, I know that the real reason this bothers me has to do with time.
I never have enough time and I always feel like I’m running out of it. I put a ton of pressure on myself. Sometimes that is good because it means I am productive. Other times it can be paralyzing. A wise friend tells me I need to rest more. She is probably right. I am not the best at resting and relaxing and time is a huge component.
Next month
My goal is to finish this draft in August, preferably in the middle of the month but definitely before September 1st. This should be double at between 3-5% of the manuscript a day or approximately 13-22 pages a day. This is doable, however, there will be more and more rewriting as I go along. I started with the easiest POV of the three. Hopefully, I can revise faster than that toward the beginning in order to make up for lost time later. We’ll see what happens.
I know this revision is going to get harder, which doesn’t seem like something I’ll handle well but I know the potential this book has and it would be worse to send a sub-par book out than to take the proper time to revise. I’m extremely proud of this book already and hope that I’ll get to share it with you sooner rather than later.
